Monogamously Partnered Carrots

As any postpubescent knows, the dating world is terrifying terrain. There are your standard creeps, cheaters, clingy potential stalkers, thirty-year-old Dungeons and Dragons enthusiasts and… meat-eaters?

Yes, as many of you have probably noticed, just because you’re an awesome veggie vixen or broccoli boy doesn’t mean that your dating pool is. In fact, depending on your location and sexual preference, the odds of you finding a partner who can spell “seitan” correctly may be slim.

With all the standard red flags to watch for on a first date, how important should we make sizing up a date’s diet? With so much of the mating game centered around local nightlife and restaurants, you and your partner are bound to take notice when one of you orders lentil soup and a dinner salad while the other orders Porky Pig and Foghorn Leghorn. We’re left to wonder: how/to what extent is a vegan/vegetarian (veg*n) to tolerate non-veg*nism in a partner? Here are the approaches I’ve seen others/myself take:

• Veg*nsexuality. You absolutely cannot date someone who eats meat/animal products. It’s either unappealing to you emotionally (usually the case for “ethical” veg*ns) or just gross to consider coming in contact with their “PG-13 and worse” areas because they consume/pass/smell like animal products. Your only interaction with non-veg*ns is when you lean from the balcony on your Fortress of Moral Superiority and shout at the unwashed masses, telling them they all smell like cheese because of their dairy intake.

• Veg*n Playstation. You get around, my dear. You are a die-hard animal advocate, putting your reputation on the line in the name of what’s right. You spend every weekend possible at your favorite bar, on the prowl for attractive, soft-hearted omnivores who you can win over with your superior stamina (I’m referring to dancing, of course…). Then, once they’ve experimented with or converted to veg*nism because of your persuasive arguments and their dedication to you, drop them and move onto the next one.

• The “blind eye” method. You might be a “health reasons” veg*n or just don’t feel it’s your place to judge or force yourself onto your partner. I’m guessing you probably enjoy listening to Tegan and Sara. Either you don’t mind smelling meat nor watching your partner eat it or you choose to eat and prepare your meals separately, then regroup for romance later in the evening. You might even be willing to cook meat for your partner, despite the fact that you probably have no idea what temperature it needs to reach to avoid possibly killing them.

Where do you fall among these approaches? Or do you have your own patented method of being both a great date and a great herbivore? Leave a comment to let me know!